Being 'The Clone'
by Sam I Am the gate fan
Summary: Through the eyes of Colonel O'Neill... Life through a complicated perspective.
1. Part One

Being 'The Clone'

By Sam I Am – PG-13 (can't honestly be any more than that)

Warnings: Sam/Jack (that's a warning for anyone who don't like that)

Category: Sam/Jack Romance, Angst, friendship and a little bit of SG-1 Humour thrown in for good measure. (If there's anything I missed out someone tell me!)

Spoilers: Bits and Bobs from Seasons 1-8!

Time frame: Beginning of Season 8.

Archive: SJD, Yes!

Summary: Through the eyes of Colonel O'Neill, life from a complicated perspective...

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission. All snippets of lyrics have the singer and the song title! None of it is mine, but I'm just a very musical person and the lyrics always fit! No copyright intended! If you want to archive my story TELL ME, or, to borrow a phrase from our beloved Colonel, I am SO gonna kick your ass!

Author's Notes: This is going to be a novel, but I'll put it on piece by piece, while I finish off the gaps. Thanks for all your support, as per usual!

Dedications: To Hannah, my Best Pal/Editor, suffering the joys of High School with me. Year 11 ARGH! Love ya, Honey! And to all Sam/Jack shippers out there and those of you who hate Season 9!

What it's like... Being 'The Clone'!

Å

**Part One**

_I'm just a Teenage Dirtbag, Baby._

_Yeah I'm just a Teenage Dirtbag, Baby._

_Listen to Iron Maiden, Baby, with me._

**Teenage Dirtbag Wheatus**

Å

Jack was losing his mind!

It was official. Jack O'Neill was going crazy and there was nothing he could do to stop it. God, he couldn't even think about solar flares, bad German accents, a flower power mini-bus, "a galaxy far far away", _interesting_ clothing and 1969 anymore with out feeling insane. That had been a good time, one of thousands of good times he'd had... with his friends...

He wandered down the street towards his house and could here the incessant giggling of his fan club behind him, wishing yet again that they would just disappear. In fact, he wished every night, he even prayed, that when he woke the next morning he'd be back in the SGC in his quarters or on a mission, ready and willing to kick some Goa'uld ass...

But that never happened. Instead, he woke every morning to that ridiculous alarm clock Helen and Eddy had bought him. (I mean, Pikachu. Were they kidding him!) He'd get up, have a shower, get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, brush his teeth, traipse downstairs, be force fed breakfast by Helen, get his books together and walk out of the door.

Even Mineral Surveys would be better than this!

The giggling got louder as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He sighed irritated, turning to see Faye Harper, Hope Elms and Leanne McManus all stood there, unsurprisingly giggling.

"What?" He grumbled irritably. These 3 girls and others like them had been head over heels about him since he had touched his dearly beloved truck for the last time and had had to watch the 'Real' Jack drive away in it leaving him stood there outside his first school. The Air Force had set him up, but they had then left him to his own devices which was most probably the stupidest thing they could have done! There'd been at least 3 girls from every school he'd attended since following him round and this school was no exception!

Hope spoke as she pulled on her best eyelash fluttering look, "We were wondering if you wanted to go out with one of us."

Jack felt himself sigh. This had to be the 100th time they'd asked and he seemed to come up with an excuse every time. They didn't seem to realize he REALLY didn't want to go out with any of them. They didn't understand that he was... a 50 year old trapped in a 16 year old body. Even going out with them... was just wrong on SO many levels!

Not to mention he'd already been married and divorced once...

'In my other life,' Jack thought to himself gloomily as the girls stood, STILL giggling as they waited for an answer.

"Sorry, but no."

He began to walk away when he felt his shoulder being tapped again, the laughter completely missing and the silence worrying.

He turned back to the 3 teenage girls as Faye spoke, pulling a curled lock of dark blonde hair from her eyes, "Jack, what's wrong with you? Are you Gay or something?"

Jack snorted at the comment. If only they knew what was wrong with him...

"No, I'm not. I just don't think any of you are attractive."

Slap!

He should've seen that coming.

He hurriedly turned and walked back down the road as his ex-fan club walked the other way, bitching to each other about him already. Jack hoped that Cassie wasn't this bitchy at the tender age of 16. Jack sighed to himself as he thought of the adopted teen. Nah, she'd never turn out like that. She had brains for a start.

Finally his house came into view, the proverbial suburban building seeming to suddenly appear along the street full of them. It was painted white, 2 storeys high with the window frames across the glass in cross shapes and flower boxes beneath the windows filled with pansies and tulips.

Jack fished in his back pocket for his keys. With a jangle, his house key finally came out of his pocket, the 'Gone Fishing' key ring having got jammed in his jean pocket yet again! He stepped up to the front door, fitting his key into the lock with a soft sigh.

As Jack stepped into the hall of 'his' house, he hung up his jacket and glanced at himself in the mirror hung in the neat and tidy hallway.

"Still scrawny, still weak, still a kid... Oh look! Another zit!" Jack grumbled quietly as he ruffled his hair, "Thanks a bunch, Loki! You ruined my life!"

"Jack? Sweetheart, is that you?"

"Yeah Mom," Jack had realized after the first week of living with his latest foster parents, Helen and Eddy Cartwright, that if he didn't call them 'Mom' and 'Dad' Helen would cry and lock herself in the bathroom while Eddy would reprimand him for not thinking of Helen's feelings.

He was surprised they hadn't sent him away yet. The other four sets of foster parents he'd had had kicked him out almost immediately, usually because of his cheek and sarcasm, his extremely bad temper, the fact he used to sneak beer from the fridge and drink it in his room... in fact, there were thousands of reasons he'd been kicked out by four sets of foster parents!

He wandered into the kitchen as the only light in his dull and depressing life bounded up to him. He crouched down and ruffled Percy's fringe the Old English Sheep dog barking loudly. He grinned, "Hey there, Percy! Wanna go for a walk later? Yeah, me too!"

The dog barked again and began to lick his face. Jack just laughed. Percy was the only friend he had these days, having had to leave the friends he loved because he was nothing more than... a copy. A fake. A clone.

Helen spoke to him seriously and Jack knew immediately he was in trouble for something, "Jack. I need to talk to you."

'Well, there goes foster family no. 5! Wonder where in hell they'll ship me to next?'

Jack's thought made him realize what had happened to him, probably why all those foster parents had kicked him out. He'd become bitter, sour and annoying! For a man almost 50 it wasn't uncommon, but for a 16 year old...

He sighed. It was all Loki's fault. Now he lived in Georgia, literally hundreds of miles from the people he loved back in Colorado. Since leaving the place he loved, he'd lived with foster families in Kentucky, Delaware and Texas all before coming here.

Helen pinned his arm to her side as she marched him upstairs. He suddenly had a bad feeling especially when they stopped at his room. Oh dear! Helen fished out a key from her pocket and Jack realized he'd left it home this morning! Damn! And he'd also forgotten to hide it! Double Damn!

She turned the key in the lock and they stepped inside. Jack, unlike most teenagers, having spent time as a soldier, an adult and a father, kept his room almost immaculate. That was probably one thing his foster parents must have liked about him!

She sat him down on his bed and then stuck her head beneath it pulling out the large cardboard box from underneath. Jack knew then what was happening. She'd found his stuff. Great! Just bloody great! Fantastic! _This_ was gonna get interesting...

"When I found the key I decided to give your room a once over with a Hoover and I found something interesting..." The woman stared at him with her 'understanding mother' look as she murmured gently, "What is this, Jack?"

He looked up at the woman debating what to say to her. For someone in her late thirties, Helen was not that bad looking. She had a light tan, strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes, the size of saucers when she cried or implored him to treat her as his mother.

Thing was his real mother was living in a little cottage in Minnesota and he was never going to see her again. He doubted he'd even get an invite to her funeral, as he was just 'The Clone'. Technically, she wasn't even his mother! Loki was!

Eww! And there is absolutely NO family resemblance!

Helen opened the box with a sigh as she pulled a few things out, laying each piece of Jack's life before his eyes.

If there was one thing he was grateful for about all of this, it was his 'Real' Self. The 'Real' him had given him almost everything he had, picture and keep safe wise, except for, of course, the things that meant the most to both of them, but Jack couldn't really blame him for that. Being the 'Real' one he was entitled to all that stuff and there was no way Jack could've taken any of it as much as he wished he could.

His eyes fell on the individual packs of photos, discarded items and videos that now lay on the soft cream carpet in front of him.

Helen spoke again as she murmured, "Who are these people?"

She had spread out 5 different photos before him, showing she'd obviously looked through everything and planned her interrogation quite carefully. The first was of him in a photo with his team members from Iraq. The fact that, including himself, only four had made it back was enough to make him stop looking at the photo. The second was of him and Sara sat in his garden, with a seven year old boy sat in his arms. His son. A lump rose in his throat as he looked away from the picture of Charlie to the next photo.

This was an official photo of himself as an Air Force Colonel, dressed in his dress blues, looking every inch the respectable soldier. Of course, now he was a scrawny teen that couldn't look like a soldier if he tried!

The fourth was a picture of SG-1. He felt a bittersweet smile tug at his lips. They were all stood in the infirmary laughing as they recounted their escapade into the past with the Doc and General Hammond. All of them were geared up in their Sixties get up. The images of his friends made him feel like breaking something in anger and frustration at what he'd lost.

The next picture caught his attention. Carter. Just Carter. No one else was in that photo. The 'Real' him had naturally got copies of every photo he had of her and had given them to him. They were the same person, well sorta, and they felt the same way about a certain golden haired, blue eyed Major.

He'd taken the picture only two weeks before the unfortunate run in with Loki (damn his skinny, white ass to Netu!) It had been on a routine mission and some how he and Carter had ended up sharing a tent. No big deal really. They shared tents all the time. The fact that Jack, for some unknown reason, had a camera in his bag was just fate. He crawled into the tent after Teal'c had relieved him from his watch. When he'd got inside his heart had almost stopped.

Carter had been lying on her side in her sleeping bag, her jacket used as a pillow. Her hand was flung beside her head, her delicate fingers curled around her palm, her eyelids closed in sleep, strands of golden fringe flicked over her face and her lips parted slightly as she breathed gently.

Almost without thinking Jack had taken a photograph. He knew it was probably a seriously 'dirty old man' kinda thing to do, but... she'd just looked so beautiful and... No use trying to explain himself! He'd never need to! He'd never see any of them again, especially not Sam. Jack sighed slightly as he continued to look at that particular photo. It was now one of his most treasured possessions, as most of Charlie's things and his many keep sakes were still miles away with the 'Real' him.

Helen fixed him with her wounded look as if saying 'If you loved me you'd tell me everything.' God! It was just embarrassing! A woman almost a decade younger than himself trying to act as though she was his Mother!

He spoke, trying to be as brief as possible, "They're people I know."

Helen looked at him as if trying to see if he was lying before she pointed at the picture of himself in dress blues, "Who is this man?"

'Think fast...'

"My Dad."

Helen's eyes widened as she looked at the picture of Sara, Charlie and himself in the garden. She pointed to the 7 year old boy sat on his knee, "Is that you?"

"Yeah. When I was 7."

Helen nodded softly her eyes fixed on Sara, "Is that your Mom?"

Jack had a bad thought all of a sudden, 'if I say Sara's my Mom, how do I explain all the pictures of Carter?' If the truth was known Jack had a few pictures of himself with Sara, his parents, friends from the Gulf, but he literally had almost a hundred pictures of Carter. Albeit, not always alone, but most of the time she was with him or alone.

"No. That's Sara. She's my Aunt."

Jack felt he'd dodged a bullet there, well at least for the moment. Helen gave him a slightly disbelieving look, but looked at the next two pictures, 'SG-1 goes Retro' and Jack and his buddies.

"And these people?"

Jack stared at the photos, "Well, they're the guys my Dad knew when he fought in the Gulf. And that's my Dad's team from when I last saw him. They were all going to a fancy dress party."

Helen's wide hazel eyes caught his gaze as she said sympathetically, "I found lots of pictures of them, especially this woman." She pointed at Sam in her rose tinted shades, grinning back a laugh with her cheeky pearly whites.

That's when his foster mother pointed to the picture of Sam sleeping and murmured, "I assume she's your real mother?"

'What's the point in denying it,' Jack thought, as he murmured, "Yeah. That's my Mom."

He hesitated a glance at his foster mother, looking up from the picture to find her Bambi eyes brimming with tears. 'Oh for crying out loud! What have I done now? Please, don't say she's offended that I actually have a Mother!'

She spoke through her tears, in her whiny voice she only used when she cried, "Why didn't you tell us? We thought your parents abandoned you when you were a baby. That you never knew them. That's what the adoption people said."

Jack sighed, trying to hide the fact he didn't have a cover story. He had to think a viable one up... fast! He looked up at the woman as he spoke sadly, "My folk's died just over a year ago," Helen let out a whimper, of sympathy pain, he guessed, "The reason that the adoption people told you I was abandoned was because of who my parents were. It's also the reason none of their friends could adopt me. They were all in the Air Force, working on something extremely classified. They died whilst on a mission," he sniffed trying to sound as if his parents had actually died, "My Mom was trapped behind a force shield..."

Helen looked at him shocked, "Force shield? I didn't know they existed."

"Only in the top secret military," Jack mumbled before looking back at the picture of Sam trying to remember her face when she'd been trapped behind that force shield that had almost taken her from him. He had to look like he'd lost his parents and he was sure thinking about that horrible moment when his time had just halted and he'd felt like the whole world was crashing down on him, it might just look like he'd lost his parents...

The fact he had the body, and therefore hormones, of a teenager helped as he felt tears in his eyes, "She was trapped. There was no way she was going to get out and they'd planted a bomb that was going to explode. Another force field stopped everyone from leaving anyway, but Dad didn't know and he still went back. My Dad stayed with her, he tried to get her out..."

Helen gasped tearfully bringing him into her arms, trying to be the best supportive foster mother she could. She obviously now assumed his parents had been blown up, both of them, at the same time, along with all the possible people who could've fostered him. Jack had to stifle a smile as Helen began to sob violently, hugging him so tight he could barely breathe, "Oh my poor little guy! Oh Sweetheart! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! It's OK, Baby. I'm here."

She stayed there hugging him close for the best part of half an hour until Eddy came home. She let go of him her eyes, red with tears, as she sniffled and murmured, "If you want to talk me and your Dad are right downstairs. If you want anything we're here for you. OK, Darling?"

Jack pretended to look tearful and forlorn, although really he was overjoyed she'd decided to stop strangling him, "OK, Mom."

As he said the word 'mom', the woman let out another whimper of sympathy pain as she left the bedroom. He heard her footsteps and sobs receding down the stairs and felt himself let out a small chuckle.

'Poor Helen! She's most definitely the most emotional woman I've ever met!' He thought as he stood walking to his door and locked it.

Å

_You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true._

_I saw you face in a crowded place, _

_And I don't know what to do,_

_'Cause I'll never be with you._

_You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true._

_There must be an angel with a smile on her face,_

_When she thought up that I should be with you._

_But it's time to face the truth,_

_I will never be with you._

**You're Beautiful James Blunt**

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When Helen had left, Jack had sat back down on the floor and gently put everything back in the box quickly glancing over the rest of his pictures, lingering on the ones of him and the rest of SG-1 and the ones of Sam. Then on a sudden impulse he pulled everything out of the box again and put it all back in, looking at the pictures longingly.

He sighed as he glanced at another one of his favourite pictures of Sam. She'd been hurriedly called into the SGC when SG-11 had brought back a device and it had started counting down. She hadn't exactly been dressed properly, as it had been June and she'd been on downtime. She'd been in a pale blue flowing skirt and white vest top, still wearing sandals and shades as she'd ran past straight into her lab.

Carter had set to work on the 'bomb' immediately before letting out a loud laugh. Jack had been stood there watching her as the base had been evacuated and he'd decided to stay with her, preferring to die with her than live without her, although he'd never given a reason for staying behind with her. She couldn't stop laughing as he asked her what was funny.

She'd replied that it had all been a false alarm and the device, which she'd spent over three hours trying to disarm, was no more than a really sophisticated egg timer! Or a stopclock! Something that times... stuff.

Everyone had moved back into the base and Jack had run back to his quarters and found his camera hidden in the dark recesses of one of his drawers. He'd run back to her lab and had taken a shot of her quickly, running away and darting into the lift. She'd come running after him, trying to find out who'd gotten a picture of her so she could shoot them, but the doors had closed before she saw him. The Paparazzi would've been proud!

The picture showed Sam sat as her desk, smiling slightly as she wrote up her findings of the device sat completely dismantled before her. Her legs were crossed her sandals lying beneath the desk, her surprisingly dainty feet completely bare along with a good deal of calf! Her clothes showed her body at its most beautiful. She looked casual and natural, sat in her lab, which Jack was convinced was her favourite place in the whole world, doing what she loved.

Jack sighed, feeling sadness and loss welling up inside him. He missed her. He missed her a lot more than he could ever admit, especially seen as body wise she was about 25 years older than he was! He just hoped that she was happy. He hoped she was sat in her lab playing with her doohickeys and dismantling new technology to her heart's content. He hoped she was still out in the universe kicking Goa'uld ass. The fact she was made him already feel 100 safe. Carter could handle anything.

God, he loved her...

The thought made Jack shiver and hurriedly place the photo back in the box, close it and slide it under his bed. He had to stop loving her, else he was never going to get through the rest of his life without her.

Another thing no one would be able to understand. He loved Samantha Carter, the beautiful woman who had lightened up his dark life for the first time 8 years ago and had always been there for him since then. She'd been in his heart since then and had been by his side the entire time... well up until Loki showed up and 'created' this... this teenage body. Because of him Jack didn't have her anymore. Well, he did, but it wasn't him who had her. It was the other Jack, the real one. The 50 year old, grey-haired, battle-scarred, worn Jack O'Neill who was too honourable to do a damn thing about how he felt!

There were a lot of things Jack found were great about this life he was leading. Mostly he looked young instead of old, even if he was a scrawny teen. He had dark hair and a lot less scars than his older self. Not to mention, he no longer had aches and pains in his lower back and his darn knee.

But there was one thing that made him envy his older self with pure and utter hatred. He got to keep them. He got to keep her. He got to live his life as he always had. He got to visit their parents, he got to go fishing at their cabin, he got to save their world, he got to annoy Daniel, he got to spar with Teal'c, he got to tease the Doc about her needles, he got to drive Hammond to the brink of insanity, he got to save the Asguard every few months, he got to slag off the Tok'ra, he got to meet new races... and he had the chance still. He had the chance to live his life with Samantha Carter if he ever wised up enough to take it.

Jack had to face the truth. In twenty four years time, he would be 40 years old and Samantha Carter would be 65, probably living with her husband in a little house with a white picket fence, being visited every weekend by their grandchildren. Happy and content.

God, he'd imagined that too many times...!

Since Antarctica, Samantha Carter had been the only woman on his mind and in his heart. He'd often dreamed that maybe one day he'd retire and ask her out. He dreamt that they'd get married, have kids, grow old, have grandkids... all the time having her by his side.

Every time he'd been near death over the years, which had been quite a lot, he'd always gone into a 'What if?' train of thought. He'd wondered what would've happened if his life had been different. He had dreamt that he'd grow to a ripe old age and die in his sleep beside the woman he loved.

Not now, of course. Thanks to whoever decided he should be given this mental torture, she'd most likely be dead long before he was... and he hated it.

Å

_Won't you believe it, It's just my luck, No recess  
Won't you believe it, It's just my luck, No recess  
You're in high school again  
You're nothing again!  
_

**School Nirvana condensed**

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As much as Jack would've loved to skive, he had a History test and he didn't want to miss it. Helen had been willing to let him take the rest of the week off, due to her new revelation about his life, but Jack had insisted. He wanted to go to school.

Jack snorted to himself as he walked towards Grant High School. He wanted to go to school. He had a chance to live his life over. He didn't want to join the Air Force this time, he'd already experienced enough war and fighting, bloodshed, pain and death to last him a lifetime. Instead, he wanted to become whatever tickled his fancy when the time came... which of course meant getting good grades in everything.

It wasn't difficult. Jack O'Neill had always been intelligent although he rarely let on. The fact he had the mind and knowledge of an Adult helped the situation. After all he had a couple of degrees under his belt, so acing every lesson in high school was not a problem.

"Hey Jack! Wait up!"

Jack turned to see Julian running down the road towards him. Out of everyone in Grant High School, Jack liked Julian the most and Jack had a pretty good idea why. The boy nearly tripped over and Jack caught him in one hand and his glasses in the other. The boy took his glasses from Jack, grinning, his braces on show, "Whoopsie Daisies! Thanks Jack."

Jack smiled slightly, "You revised for the History test?"

The boy gave a happy laugh, "Of course. My Dad practically locked me in my room and said I couldn't come out until I could give him a 10 minute speech on the Hierarchy system in Ancient Egypt! The fact we're not even doing Egypt this year didn't occur to him."

Jack chuckled and glanced at his only human friend in Georgia. Julian Leonardo Crouch was, let's face it, a geek. His trousers were an inch too short and always showed off his thick grey socks his Grandma bought him every Christmas. His jumper and shirts were always too big and he always had to roll up his sleeves 2¾ times before his hands were visible. He was short and if possible skinnier than Jack. His glasses had literally miles of tape holding the frames together and his braces were multicoloured. His hair was mousey brown and always looked as though it had been trimmed with a basin covering it.

Julian had been the brainiest kid in the year and was, in fact, a year younger than everyone else and had just turned 15. He was the States' Chess Champion and spoke fluent Egyptian, Ancient Egyptian, Greek, Ancient Greek, Chinese, Italian, Spanish, Brazilian and Latin as his Dad had been an archaeologist abroad until his Mom had had that accident...

He spoke not even looking at Jack, obviously noticing his scrutiny, "What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"Bout what?" Julian's blue eyes glanced over him before he stared in front of him again. Jack had taught his friend to always look where he was going as the boy had a tendency to trip over and hurt himself on a day to day basis.

Jack sighed, "I was just thinking you remind me of someone."

"Really? Who?"

Jack spoke seriously, "My friend, Daniel..."

"One of your friends you can't tell me about because of all that cloak-and-dagger, classified military stuff?"

Jack gave a soft chuckle at the very Daniel-like tone, "Yeah."

They walked through the school gates towards the new-ish school. It was literally a three storey block of concrete with window moving up the staircases and along the sides of the building. Outside were a few portable classrooms dotted around, the grassy picnic area and the Sports Field. It wasn't the most appealing building Jack had ever seen, but it was home.

"Hey Crouch!"

"Julian! Hey we're talking to you, Retard."

"Crouch, did your Mom dress you this morning?"

The cruel laughter of the local school thugs made Jack turn to them furiously. They hadn't noticed him before and all paled slightly when they saw him. Kyle Samson and his group of bullies were afraid of only one person and that person was Jack O'Neill.

Jack strode over his anger giving him strength and he shoved Kyle into the graffiti-covered wall by the bike sheds, where they always hung out, smoking and drinking and doing anything illegal to make them look tough.

Jack growled through clenched teeth, emphasizing every word, "Take. That. Back."

Samson just spoke slightly winded from being shoved into the hard wall; his died black hair sticking to his fat head as he began to sweat slightly, "Sorry Crouch."

Jack held him an inch above the ground, his hand around his thick neck, "His name is Julian and I want you to apologise and mean it!"

Samson looked at Jack fearfully and turned to Julian as he croaked, "I'm sorry, Julian."

"That's better," Jack snarled, dropping him to the floor, "Now get out of here!"

The boys all scampered off to go and have a smoke somewhere else, no doubt. Jack turned back to his friend and began walking into the school in silence again. They stepped inside the school doors and began walking down the high school corridor. Along the walls were the lockers and the place was bustling with activity. The Goths stood in a corner, clothed in black and speaking in low tones to each other. The Cheerleaders were doing their make-up in the mirrors they'd taped to the inside of their locker doors. The Football team, unsurprisingly, were throwing a football to each other and the Jerks making paper aeroplanes which soared over everyone's heads before crash landing, whilst they picked on the younger members of the school. One glare from Jack stopped them before he continued observing his fellow pupils. The Geeks were having their usual animated discussions over who were better: Klingons, Vulcans or Furengi. The Chess team were playing a quick game of portable chess beneath the stairwell. The 'Cool' guys and girls stood making out everywhere you looked while Teachers bustled past, arms full of books or paper, trying to calm some of the chaos.

He felt Julian's eyes on him as the boy spoke, "You did it again?"

"Did what?"

Julian spoke with something close to awe, "You stuck up for me again." He paused, but continued to watch him hesitantly, "Jack, why do you like me?"

Jack looked at his companion surprised before he shrugged, "You're a good friend and good company whenever I'm in need of some. What is there not to like?"

"Quite a lot by the looks of things," Julian said glancing at his clothes. He sighed, "I'm a Geek, Jack. I mean, I spend my weekends playing Chess, doing my homework and watching old Cowboy films or Original Star Trek re-runs. Dad's useless at buying me clothes and since my Mom... y'know... lost her sight, he's really been trying hard, but he's usually so busy looking after her he doesn't have time to get me better stuff."

Jack glanced at his friend and knew what had first drawn him to him. Julian was alone, in one sense or another, just like Jack. Jack gave him a reassuring pat on the back and a smile, "Tell you what. If you get your Dad to give you some money, we can go into town on the bus and I'll help you get some clothes."

Julian looked surprised and stopped in the middle of the bustling corridor, "Really?"

Jack grinned, "Yep. That's if you want..."

"That would be so great!" Julian grinned back and they began to walk to their lockers again. Jack was happy. In a way, he considered Julian like a son and in some ways like a brother, very similar to how he felt about Daniel. It was amazing how alike the two were.

They stopped by their lockers that by coincidence were right next to each other. Jack was just opening his locker door when an announcement went out on the speakers, "All pupils report to your form bases immediately."

Jack looked at Julian, worriedly, "That ever happened before?"

Julian shook his head staring upwards as if looking at the speakers, with a frown, "No. Something really bad must've happened."

They hurried to their empty classroom to see Mr. Thompson trying to get the television to work hurriedly. Jack smiled and stepped over to the teacher, "Mr. Thompson?"

The man looked up at him, "Ah Jack. Just the guy I need! I have to turn the TV on, but..."

Jack smiled, "It's not plugged in."

Mr. Thompson glanced at the plug hole on the wall and said, "Oh." Jack walked over and pushed the plug in as the TV came to life. Mr. Thompson smiled at him, "Thanks Jack."

Jack just shrugged and sat at his desk Julian sitting next to him as they waited for the rest of their class to arrive. Jack observed his teacher as he flicked onto the news channel. The News reader kept babbling on about a speech from the President. Jack sighed. Guessed they'd be missing their History test then.

Mr. Thompson sat at his desk watching the teenagers streaming in through the classroom door. He was just older than Jack... well, older than Jack had been. He was tall and gangling with gingery-brown hair. He had a long nose and was always smiling. He was quite forgetful and Jack had made it his mission to help the guy as much as possible.

Julian had told him that, before Jack had arrived at the school, things had been a lot different. Mr. Thompson used to be laughed at continually by his class and Kyle and his thugs had made every kid's life a nightmare. Then Jack showed up and no one dared laugh at Mr. Thompson anymore and if the bullies so much as called someone a name when Jack was nearby he'd shut them up and make them apologise. All those years in the military, Black ops and Special ops hadn't been for nothing and they came in real handy in high school!

When everyone was finally in the room, Mr. Thompson turned down the TV and began to speak, "Listen. Now no one is really sure what is going on, but the President is making a really important speech and it's being broadcast all around the world. Now none of us know why, but... It has got to be really important. Something that's going to change history." He spoke seriously his greeny-brown eyes fixing them all, "Please be as quiet as possible."

Something from the TV made Mr. Thompson turn swiftly and turn up the volume…

Å

Yet more Author's Notes: TO BE CONTINUED...! What do you think? I've already written about 90 of this fic, including the ending which I love, but there's a few gaps that I want to fill in, so its part by part I'm afraid. Please send me some feedback, I'd love it, Sam x

Copyright (C) Sam I Am 2005


	2. Part Two

Being 'The Clone'

By Sam I Am – PG-13 (can't honestly be any more than that)

Warnings: Sam/Jack (that's a warning for anyone who don't like that)

Category: Sam/Jack Romance, Angst, friendship and a little bit of SG-1 Humour thrown in for good measure. (If there's anything I missed out someone tell me!)

Spoilers: Bits and Bobs from Seasons 1-8!

Time frame: Beginning of Season 8.

Archive: SJD, Yes!

Summary: Through the eyes of Colonel O'Neill... Life from a complicated perspective.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission. All snippets of lyrics have the singer and the song title! None of it is mine, but I'm just a very musical person and the lyrics always fit! No copyright intended! If you want to archive my story TELL ME, or, to borrow a phrase from our beloved Colonel, I am SO gonna kick your ass!

Author's Notes: This is going to be a novel, but I'll put it on piece by piece, while I finish off the gaps. Thanks for all your support, as per usual!

Dedications: To Hannah, my Best Pal/Editor, suffering the joys of High School with me. Year 11 ARGH! Love ya, Honey! And to all Sam/Jack shippers out there and those of you who hate Season 9!

What it's like... Being 'The Clone'!

Å

**Part Two**

_All around me are familiar faces, Worn out places, Worn out faces…_

_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad._

_The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had._

_I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take._

_When people run in circles its a very very... Mad World. Mad World._

**Mad World Gary Jules (condensed)**

Å

The President's face appeared on the screen sat before a microphone. His voice came through the speakers of the TV, "Citizens of America and people of this planet. Today, everything you know shall be altered. Everything you thought you knew about this planet will be changed forever. This is an official disclosure of information about a top-secret military operation known as the Stargate Programme."

Jack's jaw dropped as he exclaimed loudly, "Oh my God!"

Everyone looked at him and then back at the President as he began speaking again, "I am afraid I cannot tell you all the back history about the Stargate as I would be speaking for more than a day if I did. Instead, the leader of the Stargate Command, Major General George Hammond will inform you on the truth of the Stargate Programme."

The camera moved to the man sat beside the President and a huge grin came to Jack's face. He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out the official picture of SG-1 and General Hammond and showed it to Julian. The boy gawped at him before the pleasant Texan voice spoke, "Thank you, Mr President."

The second the first syllable left his lips the classroom was hushed in silent excitement.

General Hammond spoke, "I am General Hammond and I've been leader of the SGC... uh Stargate Command... for over eight years. When I was first given the job, I couldn't believe what I was hearing," he paused and smiled, "And after eight years I still can't."

A small, amused murmur swept through the class. He took a deep breath and then began, "What is the Stargate? I know that I'm not the most qualified person to explain this to you, but I'll try. The Stargate is an alien device that is used to travel great distances across the galaxy and visit other planets."

Everyone in the class gasped except Jack who was given funny looks by them all, even Mr. Thompson.

General Hammond's voice spoke as images of the Gate dialling up and a DHD appearing on screen. His voiceover calmly explained how a gate worked and stuff, as on screen, the wormhole exploded from the metal ring causing his classmates to let out cries and gasps of shock. Jack's eyes fell on Sgt. Davis and Sgt. Siler looking at the camera nervously as they tried to go about their business in the Control room. Jack laughed out loud as he muttered, "And they always said they wanted to be on TV!"

Mr. Thompson spoke, sounding concerned for Jack's mental stability, "Jack, what are you talking about?"

Jack held up a hand to silence him as General Hammond's face appeared back on the screen. He smiled as the man he missed dearly began to give the low down on pretty much everything about the SGC, including information on a book which would be released in the next few days which 'described precisely how the Stargate works written by none other than Samantha Carter, an Air Force Major and a Doctor of Astrophysics.'

Jack smile became a full-blown grin at the mention of Carter. Her book was going to be read by normal people and he couldn't help laughing. Everyone stared at him as if he'd lost his mind.

General Hammond smiled, "As for those of you who want to know more about the many weird and wonderful things that are out there in the universe another book will be published soon co-written by the flagship team, SG-1."

George carried on speaking, describing the basic general history of the Gate, when and where it was found on Earth, who really built and Jack listened almost with rapt attention although he knew it all as well as he knew the alphabet!

The General's face became serious, "Now, the reason the Stargate has become public is that we have finally defeated the greatest enemy known to Earth and in fact the universe. They are called the Goa'uld."

At the mention of this Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. As the General continued, telling the world what exactly a Goa'uld was Jack sat stunned. The war was over? That... that was unbelievable! It was amazing! Jack felt like he could jump for joy, but as he was about to a familiar face appeared on screen and Jack felt a smile come across his face.

"The fact that the greatest enemy we have ever known can also be one of our greatest allies is hard to show... so a Tok'ra representative is here with me today. This is General Jacob Carter and the Tok'ra he carries, Selmac."

Jack couldn't help but grin at the man who came into view, looking extremely awkward and unsure to be on camera. The shot zoomed out as he shook hands with both the President and General Hammond before he took a seat beside them at the table, "My name is General Jacob Carter. I am host to the Tok'ra, Selmac. Selmac is one of the oldest and wisest of the Tok'ra. I first found out about the Stargate Project on my deathbed. At the time, Selmac's previous host was dying and she desperately needed a new host. My daughter and her team were being held on the Tok'ra home world and couldn't leave because they had discovered it. Another team went through to fetch my daughter as I was dying from an extremely advanced form of cancer. They were also imprisoned. My daughter suggested I become a host, as Selmac could heal me and I could be her host. The Tok'ra spent a long time debating the possibility before agreeing. I was told about the Stargate and many other things. I couldn't believe it. I thought I'd lost my mind," the class laughed softly, "But I soon found out I hadn't. I became host to Selmac and the Tok'ra/Earth alliance began. They are one of our greatest allies and have helped tremendously with defeating the Goa'uld."

Jacob Carter spoke quietly, "Now, Selmac wishes to speak." His head dipped and as Selmac began to speak. The children around him screamed in horror and shock as Jack just watched with nonchalance. The almost metallic voice of Selmac came out through the speakers, "I am Selmac of the Tok'ra. All I wish to say is that the Tok'ra have found valuable allies in the people of Earth and that we are eternally grateful to you. Although Jacob and I do not always agree on things, I believe I would be just in saying that neither do many married couples." Jack chuckled at Selmac's humour, as she was quite possibly the only Tok'ra Jack liked, "All the Tok'ra wish is that the Goa'uld are abolished and that innocent people trapped into slavery by them will be freed. The Tau'ri, people of Earth, have granted our wish. That is all I need to say."

Jacob's head dipped again, as he said, "Thank you."

The camera moved from him back to the President, "Thank you, Jacob. Now I would like to tell you about Earth's other allies..."

For the next hour or so, the President and General Hammond spoke about alien races, good and bad and Jack just sat in a state of pure disbelief that his time had come. Now he could finally find a way to at least see the people he cared about, perhaps find a way to give up this charade and work for the SGC again. Surely, this was his chance...

It was Hammond's mention of his team that caught Jack's attention suddenly...

"SG-1. I think the members of the SGC know that SG-1 is the heart of the facility. The only team to have saved the world and they've saved it so many times it's hard to count! Though many would say the members in the team are unorthodox, a good deal more would say that it doesn't matter because they are a team."

Hammond's expression became sad, "SG-1 could not be here today as they are attending a memorial service, but they shall be visiting public places all over the country to try and answer as many questions as they can, along with the other SG teams.

"First, I would like to tell you about one of your heroes who I have already mentioned. After discovering that the pyramids were actually spaceships and translating the finds at Giza, where the Stargate was discovered, this man travelled through the Stargate on the first mission to Abydos. This man has been with the SGC ever since and has been an irreplaceable member of SG-1. His linguistic and diplomatic skills along with his knowledge of history and myth have become extremely useful to the SGC. I would like you all to meet the archaeologist, who, though trying at times, is the most skilled, brave and intelligent of all others. Dr. Daniel Jackson."

The face of Jack's dear friend appeared on screen and he looked at Julian, who looked about to faint, "Didn't I tell you. You look just like my friend Daniel."

Julian looked at him confused as Mr. Davis spoke uncertainly, obviously wondering if he'd been possessed, "Jack, how do you know all this?"

Daniel began to speak and silence filled the room again. He was dressed in his SGC fatigues and was sat before the Stargate. He looked pale and had slight grey circles beneath his eyes and Jack guessed he'd stayed up late the night before translating one of his gadgets. He spoke in his 'Danielish' language, although with much less enthusiasm than usual for a reason Jack couldn't fathom, "I know that usually I talk too much and it annoys a lot of people. Now I can only think of one thing to say and that is that even though I'm now classed as a… hero, I'm just an average guy. I mean it could be any one of you sat here instead of me right now." He smiled, although it was forced, as he glanced at the camera then down at his hands, "uh... that's pretty much all I want to say actually... except maybe that although I'm not a hero, the SGC has had, and still does have, its fair share of true heroes... and dare I say that, I sometimes don't consider myself worthy of such admirable colleagues and loyal friends..."

The camera flicked back to General Hammond as Jack rolled his eyes at a couple of girls behind him whispering something along the lines of 'Oh my God! That guy was so cute!'

General Hammond spoke, "This man has often been treated as a very unusual member to be placed in the flagship team, but his bravery and knowledge of the Goa'uld have always been freely given to us. All he asked was that we helped free his people from their enslavers, the Goa'uld. Though he took a while to adjust to life on Earth, this Jaffa is now as much an Earthling as you or I. Teal'c."

An image of Teal'c sat in the seat Daniel had been sat in appeared on screen and he found Julian and a few other classmates staring at him, obviously having recognised the man from the small photo stuck on the inside of his locker.

Teal'c spoke in his usual straight to the point manner, "I wish to express my gratitude to my friends and comrades for accommodating me to your world. I have learnt much from these people and they have shown me great kindness and acceptance. To them I can never repay my debt. I especially wish to pay my respects to my friend and Commanding Officer, Colonel O'Neill. During my stay on this planet, he has been my brother and dearest companion. His confidence in me, even when all others failed to trust me, I shall never forget."

Jack had a horrible feeling, but brushed it aside as the General Hammond came on screen again and sighed softly before speaking again, "The next member of SG-1 is not a hero, but a heroine. This woman discovered how to operate the Stargate and went through the Stargate in 1998 on the second mission. Ever since, she has been an invaluable member of her team and the SGC. There doesn't seem to be a week that goes by when there isn't a situation in which we need her courage, intelligence and ability. I would like to introduce you to your heroine, Major Samantha Carter."

Jack choked as Sam's face appeared on screen and felt all breath literally punched out of him. She was so beautiful, but something about her didn't sit right. She wasn't smiling...

She was sat stiff as a board in her dress blues and her face was solemn. She looked tired and sad although didn't show it in her voice as she spoke, "I have been at the SGC a long time and I've seen so many strange things, but in all my time fighting to save this planet I never once saw it as anything more than a job. Now it's all over, at least the war with the Goa'uld is, I can't help thinking that I took my time here for granted. So many good men and women have died to save us, to save the universe..." The tears in her eyes clearly visible, "And I took some of them for granted." Her face cracked for a second and a hand rose to wipe her eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry. Can you stop filming?"

General Hammond came back onto the screen, sympathy and slight anger in his eyes that anyone had seen that one second of footage, when Samantha Carter had cried. Why she had, Jack had no idea, but the TV crews should never have shown it.

Hammond spoke soberly, "Only one member of SG-1 is left for me to tell you about. My Second In Command. Though he may have had his faults, though he may have been rude, sarcastic and insubordinate and though he couldn't seem to stay out of trouble, he was the finest soldier I have ever met or ever will. He's been part of the SGC from the beginning and led the initial team through the gate in 1997. Once many of you have read the mission reports from the SGC, I think most of you will agree the strangest things happen to SG-1. I'm not even going to list the things that happen to them, but the one who seemed to get into and out of trouble the most was Colonel Jonathon 'Jack' O'Neill."

Everyone in the classroom gasped and stared at him as Jack realised something and whispered, "No. It can't be..."

"Unfortunately, Colonel O'Neill gave his life in order to save this world a few days ago," General Hammond paused as his voice had broken slightly when he spoke, "How he died, I haven't the heart to explain although the information will be made public soon so I don't need to."

George cleared his throat again, "This is footage of Colonel O'Neill taken by a film crew who came to the SGC to make a documentary that they could air when the time came. It will soon be aired and sold on video around the globe, but here is Colonel Jack O'Neill..."

Jack gave a small gasp of surreal pain and whispered, "I... I'm dead...!"

His old, worn face appeared on screen. He was sat in his green fatigues in a plain grey room of the SGC and was part way through the interview because he began speaking immediately as though having just been asked a question.

"After the other guys have spoken, I'm quite honestly all out of things to say, but there is one thing I think I need to clarify. OK, so I saved the world a few times, but I'm not a saint! I'm just your average guy! I watch Simpsons whenever I can, I drink beer, I have to eat and sleep just like every other person on the planet. I have arguments with my neighbours, I go to work every morning and I swear and curse when my alarm goes off at 6am on my day off! I eat Froot loops for breakfast and I feel happy, sad, angry and calm, though not in equal proportions! I don't want or expect to be treated any differently from anyone on this entire planet. What I'm trying to say, and am failing miserably in doing, is I didn't save the world for fame or fortune. I saved the world because it is my job. I saved the world because… I enjoy it."

An image of the reporter, a shortish man wearing a black suit and tie, appeared on the old TV screen as he spoke, "Enjoy it? No offence, Colonel, but how can anyone enjoy being placed in a situation where every day you might not live to see the end of it?"

The man chuckled softly in realisation with a smile Jack recognised as his own, "Hey, I dunno! You're the one who wants me to be honest!" He let out a sigh as he tried to answer the question, "I guess, I enjoy coming into work every morning to find that Apophis has come back from the dead for like the _umpteenth_ time. I enjoy being captured by Jaffa and having to work out some amazing escape plan, (or more precisely watch Carter and Daniel work out an amazing escape plan!) I enjoy freeing another people from Goa'uld captivity. I enjoy walking onto a different planet like I'm just taking a stroll in the park. I enjoy stepping through that Gate."

The interviewer's voice came through the speakers, "What's it feel like to step through the Gate, Colonel?"

Jack gave a wry smile, "The feeling is indescribable, so I won't try and describe it, but that is why I've saved the world. You could ask all the personnel here at the SGC that you want and I speak for them when I say they'd agree. Saving the world... it's just what we do. Some may call us heroes and some of us are." The man's expression became sad, "All of you who are watching this documentary have probably already seen the tragic event that happened recently when a... a very special and important member of this facility was Killed in Action."

Jack took a deep breath feeling his heart pounding. Someone else had died? Who? Who was it?

The 'Real' Jack took a slow intake of breath, "Dr. Janet Erin Fraiser was shot whilst tending to a patient out in the field. She was the Chief Medical Officer and a good friend of mine and of everyone in the SGC. She saved my life more times than I can count and everyone in the SGC had owed their life to Janet at least once over. She was an amazing person and I'm honoured that I knew her for the short 7 years we'd been working together. Thanks, Janet." He smiled slightly, "Hope heaven is all it's cracked up to be!"

General Hammond came back on screen as he said, obviously moved, "I hope so too, Colonel."

Jack realised then he was standing up. Everyone watched him waiting for something to happen as it inevitably would. His breath caught in his throat as an image of Jack and Janet sat together in the Infirmary came on screen. They were smiling at some small joke that they'd just shared as Jack sat legs dangling off the edge of a bed and Janet stood holding her clipboard and glowing with her smile. He had the exact same photograph at home, except without the white writing with their date of birth to their date of death scanned beneath them both.

Mr. Thompson spoke anxiously, "Jack?"

He gagged feeling suddenly sick. Julian jumped up beside him placing a hand on his quivering back, as Jack shook him off. He couldn't breathe and felt as if he was frozen staring at the image on the screen... He had to get outside. He needed some fresh air. He finally let out short shuddery breath and just bolted from the room.

Å

_And I don't want the world to see me cos I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am._

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming or the moment of truth in your lies.  
When everything feels like the movies, Yeah, You bleed just to know you're alive!

**Iris The Goo Goo Dolls**

Å

Jack ran and ran until he could no longer see due to the moisture that filled his eyes. He collapsed on the grassy picnic area outside in the ghostly still school grounds, the breeze rustling the trees and the sun sending streams of light through the leaves. He sat still and felt tears in his eyes.

No one had ever told him. No one had even contacted him. Janet was dead. _He_ was dead.

Tears began to run from his eyes as he clung to his knees and let out a sob, "Oh Janet... I can't believe she's dead. Fraiser's dead..."

"Jack?"

Jack's eyes rose to Julian as the boy stood before him. Jack spoke, in an ordering tone that he hadn't used since he'd left his home, "Go back and watch the rest of the speech."

"It just finished."

Jack tried to swipe away his tears, but they continued to roll from his eyes silently, as he muttered angrily, "Damn hormones!"

Julian came and sat next to him, "Jack, how...? Why...?"

Jack let out a soft sigh, wondering how on Earth he could explain to this boy that his best friend was nothing more than a complete and utter fake, "Last year, I, Colonel Jack O'Neill, was cloned by our Allies, the Asguard."

"The Roswell aliens? Why?"

"It was a rebel called Loki. He wanted my DNA for something, but the Asguard had already placed a marker in my DNA to prevent a successful cloning. That's how I was born. I was supposed to be the same age as my 'Real' self and have all his memories and stuff. I was going to replace my real self for a few days while the Asguard probed my mind or whatever they wanted to do with my 'real' body, but because of the marker, I came back as a 15-year-old boy which raised the suspicions he'd been trying to avoid."

Julian looked at him trying to take it all in. He nodded, "So, the 'real' you..."

"...is now dead." Jack finished for him as another tear trailed from his dark eyes.

"And the woman, Janet Fraiser?"

Jack swiped at the tears angrily, "She was one of my best friends. She adopted a young girl I considered as my daughter and she's saved my life so many times. We were so close..." His voice trailed away before he said angrily, "And they never told me! They never told me she'd died! I didn't get to go to her funeral or comfort Cassie. I didn't even get to goddamn mourn her!"

Julian spoke with slight fear of Jack's unpredictable mood, "I'm so sorry."

Jack let out a painful sigh, "I just... I can't believe I'm never going to see any of them again. They're like my family and I could never see them again. I have all his memories and I _am_ him. We both have the same opinions, the same feelings, the same beliefs... As far as I'm concerned I'm a 50 year old Air Force Colonel, whose favourite movie is the Wizard of Oz, who gets on better with dogs than people, who has a little problem with scientists and who goes to his cabin in Minnesota to fish in a lake with no fish in it!"

Julian spoke gently, "I wondered what was strange about you. I wondered why you were so smart, why you were so tough and secretive. I wondered why you never went out with any of the girls who asked you... Are you married or something?"

Jack shook his head, as yet more tears fell from his eyes, "I was once. And I had a son."

"Was? Had?"

Jack sighed and glanced at his young friend as he said his voice full of pain, "My son, Charlie, was 8 years old when he shot himself with my hand gun by mistake."

Julian began to babble and apologise, but Jack silenced him, "You couldn't have known and it was a long time ago. About 10 years ago now." Jack gave a small laugh, "My little boy would've been 19 this October. Older than me!" He let out a sad sigh and continued with his narrative, "After that me and my wife split. We'd loved each other once, but... it wasn't true love, if you know what I mean." Jack gave a small snort, "How could you? You're 15 years old! But you know what I mean in a way, right?"

Julian nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose, "So you didn't go out with any girls because..."

"It would be so weird and... sickening," Jack said with a shudder, before he sighed, "It doesn't help that I'm in love either..."

"With who? Was it Janet?"

Jack gave a small laugh, "No. Fraiser was a wonderful woman, although her love of needles was quite disturbing," the boy gave a small chuckle as Jack continued, "But she was like a sister to me..." Jack then gave a small gasp, "Oh shit! Daniel!"

"Daniel? What about him?"

Jack gritted his teeth slightly, "Poor Daniel." He looked up at Julian again realising he hadn't answered the boy's question, "Every woman Daniel has ever loved in any way has ended up dead or taken over by a Goa'uld or both. Janet was the one woman I thought he would marry and spend the rest of his life with, but... Oh God! Poor Daniel!"

"So, who is it you're in love with?"

Jack stood and noticed all the pupils leaving the building in a stampede, "Has school been cancelled for the rest of the day?"

Julian nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"Come with me and I'll show you."

Å

_She, who always seems so happy in a crowd whose eyes can be so private and so proud,  
No one's allowed to see them when they cry.  
She maybe the love that cannot hope to last; May come to me from shadows in the past  
That I remember 'till the day I die. _

_She maybe the reason I survive; The why and wherefore I'm alive,_

_The one I care for through the rough and ready years ._

_Me, I'll take the laughter and her tears and make them all my souvenirs,  
For where she goes I've got to be, The meaning of my life is She... _

**She Elvis Costello**

Å

Jack stepped into his house as Helen and Eddy rushed into the hallway, "Jack!"

Jack interrupted them before they started asking questions, "Helen, Eddy, this is not a good time. As you have probably worked out I'm a 50 year old man who happens to be trapped in the body of a 16 year old clone of his former self. It's a long and extremely complicated story and if you really want, I'll explain it to you later, but if you don't mind I need to speak to Julian and then I need some time to myself as I've just discovered the 'real' me is dead and that one of my friends has also been Killed in Action which no one from the Air Force thought of calling and telling me about. Thank you."

He hurried upstairs followed by Julian as his foster parents just stared after him in confusion and shock. He unlocked his bedroom door and ran inside followed by his friend.

He ducked under the bed and said as he pulled out the brown cardboard box, "This has everything that the 'Real' me gave me inside of it. Its stuff that's important to... us. Not the most important stuff, it's understandable that he'd keep that, but there is a lot in here."

He opened the lid as Julian looked at him for permission to look in their. Jack nodded gently as the boy began pulling out photos and things. He looked at the photo of Sara, Charlie and him, "Is this your ex-wife and son?"

Jack gave a small sigh, "Yeah. That was me, Sara and Charlie a year before he died."

Julian went back to rummaging through the box and then pulled out a pack of pictures, all of just one person...

"You loved her. Major Carter."

Jack smiled slightly as he lifted the beautiful picture from the boy's hands. Another group photo of SG-1. It was the day they'd all gone around to her house to help paint her living room. They were all stood covered in paint, the camera having been put on automatic. Jack's eyes roved over the people. Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, Cassie, Janet and him all grinning arms around each other. Sam was looking beautiful, smiling her wide smile showing she was inwardly crying with laughter.

Love... He'd never used that word when talking about Carter even though nothing could be closer to the truth. In all the time he'd loved that woman, he'd only said he loved her once, and so technically only one other person knew exactly how much he felt for Samantha... and she'd just taken that secret with her to the grave.

Jack felt a lump in his throat as he spoke, completely voicing his feelings about Samantha Carter for the first time since after that Zay'tarc incident, "Yeah. I loved her. I loved her a lot."

Julian watched him cautiously, "Why didn't you two get together?"

"How do you know we weren't together?"

Julian spoke, giving him his 'Danielish' expression that said 'Just-because-I'm-fifteen-doesn't-mean-I'm-stupid' as the boy spoke, "There are no photographs of you and her 'together' and you were both Air Force."

Jack grinned, "You remember my project on the Air Force then?"

"Oh yeah," Julian said with a small laugh, before it faded, "You said something about regulations?"

"She was under my command. We weren't allowed to have a relationship." Jack sighed with a bitter tone, "Soon the whole world will know our tragic love story, I won't bother telling you about all the occasions in which the way I loved her has been put on full show, but I will say... I would've died for her. I would've sold my soul, ripped out my heart... I would've done anything if it meant she could live."

"And now you're a 16 year old boy and she's a 35 year old woman."

Jack looked at Julian realising they had a level of understanding. It helped that Julian was on a very adult brain wave and so he and Jack seemed to be able to read each other's minds. It was almost as if Julian knew everything about him without knowing anything.

"She's actually 41. It was her birthday a few weeks ago."

The boy pulled a face of surprise, "41? Really? She looks so young!"

Jack gave a small smile, "Yeah. It's a natural beauty thing."

Julian looked at his watch, "Oh Dear! My Mom and Dad will wonder where I am. I better go."

Jack smiled, "Thanks Julian. You've been my only friend... well, since I had to leave my other friends and my whole life behind."

Julian seemed to burst with pride, "I can't believe my best friend is Jack O'Neill. _The_ Jack O'Neill."

Jack chuckled softly, "Something to tell your grandkids."

Julian chuckled himself and then murmured, "I'll see you at school on Monday?"

"I'll call you," Jack said sounding uncertain.

The boy smiled and then left, Jack letting out a soft sigh. He walked to the door and locked it, not in the mood for interrogation from his foster parents. He lifted up a video and placed it in his TV/VCR. He watched the tape they'd recorded at Fraiser's 'Family' Christmas the last year he'd been with them. He watched Janet laughing and joking, giving all the male members of SG-1 kisses under the mistletoe, Daniel getting an extra long one, and Jack felt tears in his eyes again, as he chuckled at the small Doctor's shenanigans.

How could they have not told him? They'd ignored him and given him yet more heartache in his life without so much as realising it, not even remembering he existed. The feeling of betrayal froze his heart and the feeling of loss shattered it.

He'd never been able to tell her what she meant to him. Never told her how grateful he was to her for always being there for him at the most trying times during his stay at the SGC. Never told her how much he appreciated her. Never thanked her for keeping his illegal love secret. Never told her how much he'd loved her for everything she'd ever done for him.

On the TV, she sat on her couch hugging Cassie to her, a Christmas cracker paper crown the colour of gold on her head and smiling at the camera as she said in her bright voice, "Happy Christmas, Cassie. I know you've opened all your main presents, but this an extra little something from me, and with the help of the rest of these guys..."

The teenage girl took the present from the floor and unwrapped it as her mother watched on in anticipation. She pulled out a photo album. Cassie opened it and a massive grin came to her face. She hugged Janet tightly, "Oh Mom! It's great!" Cassie hurried opened it and showed it to the camera. Pictures of her and SG-1, pictures of her and Janet... lots of photographs. Cassie spoke, "Mom made me a photo album of my Family."

The way she said 'my family' made Jack take in a soft gasp of pain. They were his family too. A family who loved and cared for each other. A family who'd now lost two members. Jack felt grief for Janet and a sort of pain for the other him.

He stopped the tape and rewound it, pausing the tape so the image of Janet hugging her daughter close was on the small screen. A tear fell from his eyes at the image of his compassionate, loving friend, frozen in time on a tape that had been recorded to remember the good times, when all it was reminding Jack of was everyone he'd lost.

"I can't believe she's gone. I can't believe she's gone..." He half whispered/half cried as he stared at the image for a few more seconds before grabbing his pillow, hugging it to him, wishing with everything that made him up that it was that small, kindly Doctor, "I miss you, Janet. I miss you all," he let out a shuddery sob, "God, please say they come and find me! I don't want to be alone anymore."

Å

Yet more Author's Notes: Part Three is coming soon! But while you're here, please review what I've written so far! Thanks for your ongoing support!

Sam x

Copyright (C) Sam I Am 2005


	3. Part Three

Being 'The Clone'

By Sam I Am – PG-13 (can't honestly be any more than that)

Warnings: Sam/Jack (that's a warning for anyone who don't like that)

Category: Sam/Jack Romance, Angst, friendship and a little bit of SG-1 Humour thrown in for good measure. (If there's anything I missed out someone tell me!)

Spoilers: Bits and Bobs from Seasons 1-8!

Time frame: Beginning of Season 8.

Archive: SJD, Yes!

Summary: Through the eyes of Colonel O'Neill, life from a complicated perspective...

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission. All snippets of lyrics have the singer and the song title! None of it is mine, but I'm just a very musical person and the lyrics always fit! No copyright intended! If you want to archive my story TELL ME, or, to borrow a phrase from our beloved Colonel, I am SO gonna kick your ass!

Author's Notes: This is going to be a novel, but I'll put it on piece by piece, while I finish off the gaps. Thanks for all your support, as per usual!

Dedications: To Hannah, my Best Pal/Editor, suffering the joys of High School with me. Year 11 ARGH! Love ya, Honey! And to all Sam/Jack shippers out there and those of you who hate Season 9!

What it's like... Being 'The Clone'!

Å

**Part Three**

_There she goes, there she goes again. Chasing down my lane, _

_And I just can't contain this feeling that remains._

**There she goes Sixpence None the Richer**

Å

It was the sight of the black car pulling up at the shadowy side of the school that caught Julian's attention as he slowly chained up his bike. Jack had called him and said how he wouldn't be coming into school today and Julian had expected as much.

His weekend had been unusually quiet and mournful. The whole world now knew about the SGC and everyone was excited and amazed and confused. The planet had gone crazy! But Julian had spent his weekend sat at home thinking about Jack, the hero who'd been cloned into a 16 year old and left to his own devices while the real him sacrificed himself for the world and one of his dearest friends died in combat. For Julian, it had been a time of reflection and sadness; most of his time spent putting himself in Jack's place and wondering how one man could go through so much heartache in a lifetime, let alone two.

He still couldn't get it into his head. No one had ever been a better friend to him than Jack. And he wasn't 16! He was approaching four decades older than that! All along Julian had never even twigged, well not a lot! In hindsight, it all made so much sense. But the worst part of this realisation was that soon Jack would be tracked down and made to leave. Whether taken by the air force or relinquished by his 'foster parents', Jack would be leaving. And Julian would be alone again...

Julian watched intrigued as the car pulled up and three people climbed from the back seat... Julian dropped his bike with a clatter, his jaw plummeting unceremoniously and he saw their faces.

Daniel Jackson, Teal'c and Samantha Carter stepped from the car one by one. They were having a conversation and Julian hid slightly in the bike shed as he listened...

"I had no idea it was over... How long since you split up?"

It was Daniel speaking and as Julian looked at the man he could see why Jack had thought the archaeologist and himself always looked so similar. He was cleaning his glasses with a handkerchief as he fixed his eyes on the woman stood by his side.

If it was possible, she looked even more beautiful in real life. Jack's photographs really didn't do her justice! Her skin was pale and flawless, her eyes a vivid blue colour and her hair shiny and golden like the many an artefact his father had discovered in Egypt. She was dressed in air force uniform and looked every inch the respectable officer.

It was as she stepped further into the dappled light, filtering through the foliage of the large trees that canopied this area that Julian noticed how weary she looked. If anything about Jack's pictures seemed more true than the real human being that shivered slightly in the breeze, it was that there was no smile on Samantha Carter's face, where, Julian got the feeling, it was usually rarely absent.

"5 days now." She spoke in a soft tone, her voice wavering with obvious heartache, "I always thought Pete would make the pain less, but now..." She looked away and gulped slightly, "Every second I spend with him, the pain gets worse. I couldn't... It wouldn't be fair on him to have accepted, Daniel. So he left."

The alien, Teal'c, spoke in a low comforting rumble, "Major Carter, you must try to continue with your life. I understand your heartache as does Daniel Jackson for we have both lost many we love and care for..."

"I hear a 'but' coming," she said with a minute smile, trying to lighten the morose mood as the black car drove off silently.

The Jaffa raised and eyebrow and said with emphasise, "... _however_, before O'Neill was lost to us you were quite content to marry Pete Shanahan." At the mention of Jack, Julian noticed how the woman's body tensed, her eyes squinting slightly and her jaw gritting before she flinched at the mention of this Pete guy. Teal'c continued, his hand moving to place on her shoulders, "From our brief meeting, I determined that Pete Shanahan feels very deeply for you, Major Carter."

Daniel spoke to Teal'c glancing at the expression of guilt on Samantha's face, "I think we should... uh..." He cleared his throat and then spoke to her in a gentle diplomatic tone, "Do you regret leaving him?"

"No," she whispered, "But I regret hurting him."

Daniel nodded and then whispered gingerly, "Do you regret the relationship you had with Pete because... because of what Jack thought of it?"

The Doctor had definitely hit a nerve. The woman looked up at her friend with wide eyes as she mumbled, "What?"

Daniel gulped and then looked at his watch, "We've gotta get in there so we can be introduced to the Princip..."

She spoke shaking slightly, "Daniel? There's something I don't know, isn't there?" She looked between the alien stood tall and unyielding and the anthropologist who was looking incredibly awkward and was pushing his glasses up his nose. She looked almost close to tears as she whispered coldly, "Tell me. What did the Colonel think?"

Julian was surprised when it was Teal'c that spoke, "O'Neill spoke with me and Daniel Jackson that evening at his abode after General Hammond announced his retirement and you had left to go home..." The Jaffa hesitated slightly as if considering how to put something delicately, "He said that if you had, for any split second since the mission to Abydos, prized O'Neill as more than you were both allowed to, then that moment had long gone and passed..."

"What?" She whispered almost disbelieving.

Daniel cleared his throat again, his arms arranging themselves so they were crossed over his chest and he was frowning slightly, "He said that he'd always thought, no, hoped that you felt the same way about him as he did about you." Julian watched as the woman's blue eyes closed slowly with pain and realisation as the man continued reluctantly, "He was adamant that Pete was the real deal. He said that as long as you were loved like you deserved to be, he could die in peace..." His voice faltered as he said unsteadily, "He knew that this time he'd die from the Ancient knowledge, but he didn't care... He said he didn't have much to live for anyway..."

The woman's eyes shot open and if it was possible to see the expression on someone's face when their heart turned to ice, it was on her face.

Julian didn't dare breathe or move and stood completely still as she whispered, her voice quivering, "That's why he took the Ancient knowledge...? Suicide...?" Both questions needed no answers and a horrific truth dawned on both Julian and Samantha Carter.

The sound of the creaky back door to the school being opened caused them all to jump. Mrs. Maple, the Principal's assistant came bustling out of the door, her chubby face full of awe, "SG-1! It's such an honour to have you at our school!"

Teal'c spoke glancing at the almost statue like figure of Major Carter, frozen in time with a horrified expression on her beautiful face, "No, it's our honour. We are extremely glad to be welcomed to this facility for education. Please, take us to Principal Pollard."

The middle-aged woman nodded frantically, looking as though she were about to faint as she began to lead them through the door. It shut behind them leaving Julian staring at it and grasping thin air trying to find the handlebars to his bike urgently.

The school bell trilled, its sound echoing around the entire complex as Julian's fingers finally brushed against the rubber gripping, his eyes finally looking at the object and his hands pulling it back from the bike rack. His glasses almost fell down his nose as he hurried hopped onto the seat. He shoved them back on and began to speed out of the schoolyard towards Jack's house.

Å

_I don't wanna close my eyes; I don't wanna fall asleep,_

_Cos I miss you, Babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing._

_Cos even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do,_

_I still miss you and I don't wanna miss a thing._

**I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing Aerosmith**

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Percy's head nestled in Jack's lap as he sat on the grass of the park staring out across the play area and grassy field. He absentmindedly smoothed down the strands of white and grey hair on the dog's head as he contentedly huffed, blowing some of his excessively long locks from his eyes.

Jack had become really fond of Percy and he'd really miss him. He guessed that soon Helen and Eddy would have to send him away, probably right back to where he'd started in the inept and uncaring hands of the air force who'd then probably load him off onto some other unsuspecting couple/family.

Jack sighed and watched the swings move ever so slightly in the breeze, a whiny creak issuing from the old metal frame. The blades of grass shimmered in the light coming from the sun being blocked behind a thick white blanket of cloud. It was that kind of light that usual gave Jack a migraine and he could already feel the niggling ache behind his eyes and gnawing out from his forehead.

Percy rolled onto his back, his head still nestled in Jack's crossed legs as his ears flapped down. The fact Jack was sitting with his legs crossed said a lot seen as before he would never in a million years been able to sit in this position without causing quite a lot of discomfort in his bad knees.

Percy gave a small yip begging for his belly to be scratched and a small smile came to Jack's face. His hand moved to the dog's furry chest and began to tickle, the dog squirming and wriggling on his back.

Jack let out a small snort as the dog bounded up and pushed him onto his back, licking his face affectionately. Jack lay on his back with Percy lying on his stomach and realised that dogs always seemed to know when their companion is sad and always know how to cheer them up. It seemed instinctive to them and Jack always knew why they were referred to as man's best friend. He loved Percy to pieces.

He glanced at his wrist watch with a soft sigh. It would be lunch at school in an hour. It was strange how Jack wanted to go to school this afternoon. He needed something to take his mind of his depressive thoughts and if that something was to be the trivial trials and tribulations of teenagers then so be it!

Percy's laid his hairy head on his paws and let out a soft whimper, licking Jack's nose comfortingly. Percy knew him a lot better than most people right now. He knew the question that was churning through Jack's mind... 'Should I or shouldn't I?'

He looked around him. The swings looked tall enough, but he didn't want to scar some poor child's life forever by using that. There were lots of trees around here that would suffice, but then some kid would probably find him again.

Maybe if he sent a call straight to the police and then did it when they were on their way so only the professionals would have to see him hanging from a tree branch...

Percy whimpered again, his wet nose nuzzling away the tears Jack hadn't realised were on his cheeks. In Jack's mind his situation had come down to two options. The first, live out the rest of his life in misery, alone, without any of his friends and family, without Carter... The second, end it now. No one would care. After all to most people he was already dead...

His mind immediately flicked to Julian. He sighed. As of yet, there was only one person Jack could think of living for and that was the geeky fifteen year old. He'd told Julian he would watch his back and he didn't think Julian could cope if Jack committed suicide.

The Old English sheepdog's face lifted as he looked over Jack's head and barked. Jack turned and saw Julian on his bike, his legs fighting against his obvious fatigue and trying to continue pedalling. The first thought that came to Jack's head was to reprimand him for not being at school before it dawned on him that Julian would never skive unless something was wrong.

When the boy's blue eyes fell on Jack and Percy, he gasped breathlessly, "Jack! Thank God I found you!"

It was the tone of voice Julian spoke in that caused Jack to scramble to his feet. He spoke anxiously, "What? What is it? What's wrong?"

Julian came to a stop, his bike crashing to the turf as he puffed and wheezed. Jack glanced at the awkward position of the bike, noticing for the first time the flat tire. Julian's arms fell on Jack's shoulders as he tried to breathe, "I've been cycling since the beginning of school to try and find you! Then I got the flat tyre, but I had to find you!"

"Julian! What's going on?"

The boy looked up at him, his multicoloured braces on show as he said with a small smile, "They're here, Jack! They're at the school!"

Hope filled Jack's heart as Julian spoke. It couldn't be...?

"Your friends are here! At the school!"

As soon as he'd spoken Jack pushed passed him went for the bike and realised he'd be quicker running than trying to cycle with the broken tyre. He turned to Julian, "Look after Percy."

He began to sprint across the grass at the velocity only youth and desperation could give him as Julian yelled, "Hurry Jack! They leave in 10 minutes!"

Å

_And maybe, I'll find out the way to make it back someday,  
To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days.  
If a great wave should fall, It would fall upon us all,  
Well I hope there's someone out there,  
Who can bring me back to you!_

**Wherever You Will Go The Calling**

Å

They'd been stood on the school stage for 3 hours answering questions and giving the hurriedly put together presentation on the Stargate project.

It had been long and tiresome and Sam just wanted to get to the airbase, get on the awaiting plane, go home, have a bath, make herself a cup of coffee and collapse on the sofa. Inevitably, she'd end up in tears and wouldn't be able to sleep, her thoughts filled with the memory of Jack O'Neill's death.

He'd been frozen because the knowledge that'd been downloaded into his mind from the Ancient Repository had been rewriting his brain. When the Asguard had finally been reached they'd attempted to remove the Ancient's knowledge from the Colonel's mind. They'd unfrozen him and completed the progress, but when they'd finished they soon discovered that his brain was damaged irreparably and that he had days at the most before the part of his mind that controlled his autonomic functions would cease to operate and he'd die.

The information they'd extracted contained the means to create both a weapon with which to destroy replicators, even human form replicators, but most importantly, it held information on a toxin that could destroy the Goa'uld and yet was harmless to Jaffa, the poison only reacting with a mature Goa'uld attached to the brain stem. Most of the Goa'uld had been destroyed now, only a few more they were wheedling out as the days passed. All because Jack sacrificed his life to stop that information falling into the Goa'ulds' slimy hands.

He'd lasted 5 days on a respirator, never waking before his brain completely shut down. Sam did not leave his side since he'd been unfrozen. She'd not slept, ate, or done anything to suggest she was living creature, but instead had spent her hours watching him and speaking to him in the hope he'd hear her, but there was no evidence he had. Just a hope and a prayer.

She'd told him many things whilst sat in the uncomfortable Infirmary chair in the special room Dr. Brightman had placed Jack in when he'd arrived back in the SGC. She'd told him about Pete and how she couldn't believe she'd ever thought Pete could dampen her feelings for him, about how much she realised she loved him and about her latest insights into what she'd be like without him. These revelations had all come true after his death as she'd known they would and it was now that they ran through her mind again...

How could she be a mere shadow of the person she once was at yet only her closest friends notice the difference? How can the brilliance she once possessed become so hidden to herself and still seem to shine to the rest of the world? Why was she so lost in the SGC, a place that had once been her home, now becoming nothing more than a mundane familiarity?

She was lost. As far as she was concerned, the SGC was lifeless, her brilliance long extinguished and she was nothing more than a faint imprint, slowly being erased as each aching second passed, dragging behind it the inevitability that at some point she'd just give up.

As far as Sam was concerned, everything had died with him. Especially things that related to her. Her laughter, her smile, her humour, her intelligence, her discipline, her ability to love...

She'd tried with Pete, she really had, but when the man had asked her to marry him, less than a week after Jack had died, she had to leave him. She couldn't take the feeling of deep self-hatred and guilt that she felt at the idea of betraying Jack's unconditional love any longer. She'd done it for too long and he'd died with her still pretending her life with Pete was perfect and that she loved him. She cared about him, yes, but it wasn't love. It wasn't love.

They stepped from the school being watched by teenagers, their curious faces pressed against their classroom windows as the teachers tried to get them back to concentrating on lessons.

Sam climbed into the car as Daniel slid in beside her and Teal'c climbed into the passenger seat. They all belted up as the airman at the wheel began to drive off towards the air base where they'd catch a plane back to Colorado. They sat in a silence, both awkward and horrified, as Sam's thoughts returned to what her friends had told her earlier. Jack had committed suicide, had thought that she didn't love him and had willingly sacrificed himself in the knowledge she was happy with Pete, which had all been pretence.

She wanted to cry. To break down and cry and cry. She now wished with every atom that made her up that Jack had heard her when he was lying in the Infirmary. She wanted his last thought of her to have been that she loved him, not that she loved someone else.

Sam realised something and spoke suddenly, "I'm sorry, Captain Marshall. We have to go back. I left my laptop in the hall."

The airmen looked in the mirror with a small smile, "No problem, Ma'am." Marshall turned the car around and went back to the school. They pulled up outside as Sam climbed out of the car again and went back into the school, through the main entrance. She walked along the corridors looking at the classroom doors and the lockers, remembering her own childhood...

She stopped for a moment and walked back as her eyes fell on the name on the locker that had caught her attention...

"J. O'Neill..." She whispered, staring at the locker, suddenly looking strangely like his locker at the SGC...

She took a step away feeling tears tickling the corner of her eyes as she muttered angrily with herself, "Don't be stupid, Sam!"

She hurried back along the corridor towards the hall. The sooner she got on that plane back to Colorado the better. She opened the back stage door and walked up the stairs to the stage, spotting her laptop still lying on the table where she'd left it.

She picked it up and went back offstage, when there was a loud bang of doors being flung open and heavy footsteps. There was then a familiar cry of frustration and Sam felt her heart thudding against her ribs as she stepped back onto the stage.

Her eyes fixed on the 16 year old boy stood in the middle of the empty hall. He was breathing heavily and was bent over double, hands on his knees. He muttered to himself angrily, "I missed them. I can't believe I missed them. I should've come into school in the first place! Goddamn stupid, O'Neill!"

Sam felt a tearful gasp leave her as she almost dropped her laptop, shakily placing it back on the table. At the sound, his eyes suddenly rose and he stood up straight in shock. He was not a lot shorter than his older self had been from her memory, but at 16 he hadn't yet become as muscular. His face looked almost identical to her Colonel only a lot more youthful and without the scars and signs of age. His chest was heaving and it was obvious he'd sprinted a long way and at a considerable speed. His dark eyes were the same and it was the look of amazement in their depths as he looked at her that forced her into crying.

She walked down the steps to the hall floor, stumbling forwards her eyes full of tears. She stopped dead and fell to her knees, her head swimming in images of Jack, pale and lifeless in the Infirmary, the respiration tube being pulled from his mouth as Dr. Brightman tried to console her. Sam hadn't cried then, but she sobbed now, the pain of losing the man she loved hitting her like a battering ram.

After a few moments of disbelieving silence only broken by her faint sobs, she heard his soft tread and felt him crouch down beside her. Slowly an arm encircled her shoulders as she began to shake harder. After a few seconds, he murmured into her ear in a hoarse, breathless whisper, "I'm here, Carter. I'm here."

She let out a sob as she wrapped her arms around his neck, weeping from the despair of hearing his voice, so like she remembered. His hand gently rubbed her back as he hugged her just as tight and she felt his back shudder as he himself was reduced to tears.

He spoke, obviously as emotionally heart-broken as her, "I thought I'd never see you again. God, I missed you so much." He let out a tearful sigh as he whispered in her ear, "But it's alright now. Everything's going to be alright now."

"Sam, are you... HOLY SHIT?"

Daniel ran to them across the room as Jack released his 2IC, until his eyes fell on Daniel and he stood, throwing his arms around the shocked archaeologist as he cried, tears still falling from his eyes, "Daniel!"

The man gently placed a hand on Jack's back as he was, for one of the brief moments in history, utterly speechless. Jack pulled away feeling a smile on his face as he choked on his sobs, "I can't believe you're here! I can't believe it!" He hugged Daniel again before turning back to Sam who was now stood beside the Doctor...

But neither of them were smiling and Jack realised the other shoe had just dropped...

Å

_Turning to face what you've become, Bury the ashes of someone, _

_Broken by the strain, Trying to fill that space inside,  
Am I just like you? All the things you do - Can't help myself! _

How do you feel when there's no sun?  
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?  
How do you feel when there's no one?  
Am I just like you? All the things you do.

**Feeling a Moment Feeder**

Å

Jack sat in the plane as it sped through the sky... taking him home...

Jack had always found a pleasure in flying. It always relieved all stress and invigorated him, always putting him in the best of moods. But this flight was silent and tense and Jack was hating every minute of it.

He was sat alone, his bags and boxes packed into the seat next to him. They'd driven round to his home and picked up his stuff, Percy seeming so confused as Jack left. Although his foster parents were taking all of this well and with some strange hatred and indifference they'd found for him, the poor dog couldn't understand.

Julian had made it to Jack's house by the time they were about to drive off. Jack had run to his friend and said a hurried goodbye, Julian not seeming his usual bright self. Jack found himself promising he'd visit, but Julian being as smart as he was, knew that it was probably an empty promise.

Suddenly, Jack had found himself on this plane, no one speaking to him, everyone ignoring him as though he didn't exist. His seats were slightly separate from that of Teal'c, Daniel and Carter all of them determined to stare out the window or at the floor so as they didn't have to look at him...

Jack couldn't believe how they were treating him! He understood that they missed their Jack, but surely they wouldn't hate him for being alive instead! Would they?

Jack felt like the bitter 50 year old man he really was again and stared at his faint reflection in the plane window. He hated the reflection that stared back because it wasn't him and it wasn't his fault.

He looked over at his best friends again, all of them still giving him the silent treatment. Daniel immediately pretended to be asleep, which Jack knew he wasn't, unless while he'd been away Daniel had been to see a therapist to stop his snoring. Teal'c stared out of the windows at the white clouds they were zooming through. Carter was staring at her fingers...

Her eyes were still red and puffy from when she had burst into tears in the hall. Her jaw was gritted in determination not to start again, although Jack could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

He couldn't bare this silence. It was driving him mad! After a moment, he spoke quietly, "So how did you like Grant High School?"

They all looked up at him in shock that he'd spoken, as if they really had all forgotten he was there. Carter's eyes only gazed into his for a split second before she looked away. The look in her eyes broke his heart as he looked at Teal'c and Daniel, hoping to find some kind of comfort.

He got none. Daniel looked away and muttered, "It was OK."

Teal'c obviously pitied him for the Jaffa spoke a few words holding eye contact, "We spent little time there."

Jack tried to smile at the Jaffa, but he'd already turned back to the window. Jack sighed and looked out of his own before rummaging in his backpack for his yo-yo... the only thing on this plane journey he was even slightly going to enjoy...

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_I'll be there for you, When the rain starts to pour,  
I'll be there for you, Like I've been there before,  
I'll be there for you, 'Cause you're there for me too._

**I'll be there for you The Remembrants**

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"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? We've had... well a traumatic day..."

Sam stood in the doorway of her bungalow as Daniel stood on the doorstep, hands in his pockets, giving her a sympathetic smile and fixing her with his blue eyes, telling her how much he loved her and how worried he was about her. It was dark, after 10pm, and the day was over, a day which had brought with it so many mixed emotions Sam felt drained.

She smiled at him slightly as she whispered, "Thanks Daniel. But I need time to think about all this... I can't..." She felt tears welling again as she let out an almost frustrated sigh.

Daniel interrupted before she could continue, "I understand. I completely forgot about... the clone..." He observed her as she shivered when he mentioned Mini-Jack. He cleared his throat and pulled his hands out of his pockets, placing them on either side of the doorframe as he said, "Well I'll leave you to get some rest."

Sam smiled softly, although the pain and misery in her eyes was more than obvious, "Thanks. You should get back home anyway. Cassie's probably waiting for you."

Daniel's face was sad for a moment obviously thinking of Janet before he hid his discomfort by snorting, "More likely watching a film with her friends, who all call me her 'hot' dad!" Sam let out a soft chuckle at that, but it was short-lived.

Daniel sighed annoyed with himself as he murmured, "I feel like you're miserable because of me. I'm so sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty about Jack's death... And I didn't really tell you... It wasn't suicide... Jack was way beyond that time in his life. It was more a choice between who lived and who died, and we all know he'd always have chosen himself..."

"You didn't make me feel guilty, Daniel, and I know that it was just a choice, but..." Sam whispered gently as she stared at her boots, "I just... I wish I could... turn back time or something..."

Daniel stared at her, trying to analyse what to say or do. After a second, he whispered, "No you don't. The whole Grandfather paradox..."

Sam nodded and let out an ironic laugh, "You don't think I didn't consider that half way through planning to hijack the gate and just make it happen."

Daniel snorted slightly at the humour, one scarce piece of Sam which had survived the tragedies that had struck them, "Yeah, I guess you did."

He thumped a hand against the wooden door frame gently as he stood straight, "Night. I'll keep you posted on his progress..." His voice trailed away as Sam just looked at him and shook her head and he took a small breath, "OK. I guess that's why you're taking leave, huh? I'll call you if there's anything you need to know then. See you back at work in three weeks."

"Thanks again."

Daniel leant in and gave her a soft peck on the cheek as he whispered, "Don't mention it. I'll bring Cassie to come visit. She's still fuming about the fact she can never beat you at chess..." Sam smiled quietly as Daniel murmured, his voice full of concern, "Take care of yourself."

Sam smiled as he began walking back to his car, "You too."

Reaching the car door, Daniel turned suddenly, "Oh, I almost forgot." He leant in through the driver's side and pulled something black from the glove compartment. He walked back to the front step and held out the objects. Two video cassettes.

Sam frowned and looked at him and then down at the tapes, "Daniel?"

Daniel's eyebrows rose slightly as he pulled a strange smile, "Bregmann, you know, the reporter guy. He visited me at home yesterday." Daniel licked his lips nervously as he said quietly, "He gave me these. I... I watched them and..." He met her eyes as he continued quietly, "The first one is an exact copy of the one that'll be going on sale to the public... Not really that interesting... I mean we work there for crying out loud!..."

Even his attempt at a 'for crying out loud' didn't stop Sam from anticipating his next comment almost anxiously, "And the second...?"

He held them out towards her as he said quietly, "The second one is pretty much uncut. There are some things on there... well that... that I think you should see..."

Sam frowned slightly, but took the tapes in her hands, looking at Daniel as he gave her a smile, pushing his glasses up his nose slightly, "Well, see ya."

"Yeah, you too, Daniel," he began to walk away as Sam felt herself speak up, "Daniel?"

"Yeah?" He said, about to slid in behind the steering wheel.

"What... What should I see?"

Daniel looked at her sadly, "Hopefully what I saw." He looked away for a second before he looked up again and said, "Bregmann got some very interesting answers from some of his very interesting questions. Interesting enough that he gave me the tape and said I should show it to all those who might... might find some... comfort or closure or... well something from it I guess..."

Daniel then closed the door and drove off leaving Sam stood, video cassettes in her hands, unsure what he had meant, but knowing that she had to see that second tape.

Å

Yet more Author's note: Hope you're all enjoying this! Part 4 will be on its way ASAP. I'm busy at school and I'm planning my sweet sixteenth which is only a month away so I'm busy busy busy! But its on its way! Watch this space! Please send me some feedback, its great to hear from you guys!

Sam xx

Copyright (C) Sam I Am 2005


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